Chapter 3: Senpai, You Idiot

What dominates my proud heart isn’t sorrow over the reality I’ve lost.

It’s the disappointment of a future I believed I’d reach slipping through my fingers. And the emptiness that follows.

Even though I, a prodigy, did my absolute best… why did it have to end like this?

I’m the kind of person who can shrug off all responsibility for my actions. But this time, there’s no need to shift the blame. No one would argue that the fault lies with me.

Ah, that’s why…

This overwhelming sense of emptiness is entirely, entirely, entirely—

“Senpai, you idiot.”

It’s all Senpai’s fault for not keeping his promise to fall with me.

He promised we’d fall together, but he didn’t do anything. It’s his fault.

◆

A few hours earlier.

The feelings I held in my heart were convenient for me. Society defines this as neither true love nor affection—just dependency.

But such definitions mean nothing to me. Ever since I lost my mother, I’ve been off the rails. I don’t belong to the society everyone else cherishes.

My world is complete with just Senpai and me. We can decide things for ourselves. I’ve defined this feeling, which society calls dependency, as true love and affection.

It’s enough to blindly adore him.

It’s enough to love him unconditionally.

That’s all it takes to feel happy and at ease… the joy welling up from deep inside me proves it.

There’s a happiness here born from bearing a sin that society would never allow.

When this sin is exposed to the light of day, we’ll be banished from paradise. We’ll be punished and made to suffer.

I’ll never forget the resentment. When society takes this happiness away and corners us, I’ll never forgive them. No matter how much I’m at fault, I’m the kind of person who can shrug it all off.

And I’m a prodigy. No matter how long it takes, I’ll carve my name into history and Wikipedia.

I want this time to last forever. I’m experiencing a happiness in life that I wish could go on eternally.

“Senpai…”

And yet, I also want to move forward in time.

“Originally, I… had given up on the future.”

“Given up on the future?”

“I was planning to die.”

“…I see.”

It was a shocking confession, but Senpai wasn’t surprised.

He’d probably seen it coming from the start, which is why he accepted me.

“I kept throwing my problems into the future until my life was completely stuck. There was no way out. The only path left for me was to become an unstoppable force.”

“That’s something you do alone, isn’t it?”

“I wasn’t going to go quietly. I planned to take as many people with me as possible, carving my name into history and Wikipedia. My family, relatives, and even Tanaka would’ve been dragged along.”

“Another outrageous plan. Poor Tanaka, that’s so unfair.”

“I can’t compromise on that. It’s in the name of Renafalt of the Ten Thousand Realms.”

“Seriously… trying to increase your body count as a joke. What do you think human life is?”

“Entertainment. Taking Tanaka with me would’ve been absolutely hilarious.”

Senpai frowned, looking at me like I was a troublesome child. He smiled wryly, exasperated.

“But then I remembered someone who gave me nothing but joy. I wanted to meet them one last time, even though I didn’t know their face, voice, or age.”

“A socially awkward shut-in with social anxiety and a stutter coming up with another outrageous idea. We’ve known each other for five years, haven’t we? You didn’t need to meet me to know I’m a no-good guy.”

“The time I spent with that no-good person was the only color in my life.”

“That’s one messed-up life.”

His sarcasm was mocking, but his voice was so gentle that it felt incredibly precious.

My eyes grew hot, but instead of tensing up, my cheeks relaxed into a smile of joy.

“This is the last dream I’m seeing in my messed-up life. The ending after I wake up is already decided. I don’t need a future. I just want to stay in this dream as long as possible.

—So, until the day we fall, please let me stay by your side.”

His face was so endearing.

I wanted to keep looking at it forever.

But… for now, I gently closed my eyes.

I surrendered myself to embrace a new form of happiness.

One, two, three…

Despite the enormity of my expectations, my heartbeat remained calm. It was surely because the time flowing between us was so peaceful.

Four, five, six…

In this short time, I felt an impatience as if I were being teased. At the same time, it heightened my anticipation for the happiness to come.

Seven, eight, nine—

“Ah.”

Pat.

“I’ll stick with you till the end of that dream.”

A hand rested on the top of my head.

Gently, lovingly, Senpai patted my head.

I almost let out a sound of surprise.

It’s not that I wasn’t happy to have the person I love do this. I wanted it to last forever, and I wanted him to do it again and again.

I wasn’t dissatisfied. Not at all… but it wasn’t what I’d expected.

The hand I wanted wasn’t on my head—it was on my cheek. I’d hoped he’d pull me closer until our faces were zero distance apart.

I know. Our future doesn’t end here. We’ll walk into a future piled high with problems. The future we’ve chosen is so precarious that a single misfortune could ruin everything.

No matter how beautifully we end today, those problems won’t disappear.

But still. This was supposed to be the moment where we conclude with, “They shared a happy kiss and lived happily ever after. Our battles are just beginning!”

No matter how forbidden our relationship is, that’s how it was supposed to go. The current situation is far from that. We’re not even climbing the stairs—we’re standing still. I wanted him, as a man and an adult, to make a decisive move. I wanted him to pull me into a warm embrace.

Why didn’t Senpai take my hand and climb the stairs with me?

I’m a prodigy. If I trace Senpai’s thoughts, I can figure it out easily.

Was he considering my feelings? No.

Was he afraid of complicating our relationship? No.

Was he worried about the legal implications of an adult man and a fifteen-year-old girl? No.

It was simply his lack of experience as a perpetually single man that made him hesitate to show his masculine side.

Honestly, it’s so like Senpai. But showing his true self at a time like this? I’m disappointed.

…But it’s precisely because he’s like that that I’ve become so dependent on him.

Really, he’s impossible.

“Senpai…”

I opened my eyes and met his gaze again, ready to start over.

“Before I met you, I was just a weak child.”

“You make it sound like you’re strong now.”

“Because if I were still just a weak child… I wouldn’t have even considered choosing an escape like this.”

In the past, I was a child without a sense of self.

I just imitated my beloved older sister.

I was happy as long as my beloved mother praised me.

But one day, I lost my mother (my happiness). After that, I couldn’t imitate my sister (stand on my own).

Once, my sister took my hand and brought me back to society’s little garden. I tried to give the model societal answer, but I was treated horribly and my spirit broke.

From then on, I cut off one social connection after another. Eventually, I even grew tired of my connection with my sister, and I confined my world to that one small room.

Running away from unpleasant things isn’t noble. I just kept choosing the easy path, letting myself drift along.

And then, I finally lost even the option of an easy path.

If I’d remained just a weak child, I wouldn’t have been able to choose anything. Even if I knew the path I was drifting toward was painful, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything but suffer.

Ah, that’s why…

Escaping from a painful path. The fact that I could find and choose such an option means I wasn’t just a weak child. My heart had grown strong enough to run away from unpleasant things.

Along with the past I’d never spoken of before,

“You gave me the strength to run away from my sister and the others.”

I told him that it was undoubtedly he who had nurtured this strong version of me.

With expectations hidden in my heart, I gently closed my eyes.

“I see.”

The gentle hand that patted my head again said,

“That’s one messed-up kind of strength.”

He stroked my head lovingly.

A calm, gentle time flowed on.

To an outsider, it might look like I’m lost in happy thoughts, but that’s not the case. I’m racking my brain over why the same thing keeps happening.

“Senpai…”

Hoping for success on the third try, I opened my eyes.

“That day… I was happy.”

“Which day are you talking about?”

“The day you cherished my relationship with Renafalt.”

I’d made up my mind and gone to see Senpai.

I couldn’t just do nothing after causing him trouble. I ended up revealing Kaede Fumino’s true feelings.

That’s why Senpai told me the siege was postponed indefinitely. He dressed up the reason with cool words, but the truth was different. He was afraid of complicating the relationship we’d built.

Maybe it’s just my ego talking. But this is my truth.

After telling him how I’d felt that day,

“I only need you, Senpai. So… please stay my Senpai forever.”

I gently closed my eyes.

I chose a life where I could fulfill the feelings I’ve defined as true love and affection.

Senpai, I really like you.

Senpai, I love you.

Please let me stay by your side forever.

In the real world, this might be defined as forbidden fruit, but here in the shadows, there’s no such definition.

Please taste the fruit you’ve nurtured.

Please take on the risk (me) until there’s no turning back.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

After asking for success on the third try,

“There’s no way I’d have two no-good high school girls like you.”

What happened twice happened a third time.

Our relationship must never be known to the outside world. No matter how morally questionable it might be, to outsiders, we’d look like a happy couple. The emotions welling up inside me could easily be misunderstood.

Translating that into Renafalt’s words, it would sound like this:

“Seriously, get a grip, you idiot!”

◆

After trying the same thing twice more, my heart finally broke.

For the first time, I found myself counting the stains on the ceiling, drowning in emptiness.

I agonized over whether I’d done something wrong, but no, I hadn’t.

“Senpai, you idiot.”

I cursed Senpai, who hadn’t done anything for me.